Monday, September 21, 2020

Comment Wall for A Monster's Bond

 


Hi there!

This is the comment wall for my portfolio, A Monster's Bond.

Feel free to leave comments here about my work from the portfolio, and if you want to have a discussion, you can enable notifications for responses, since I'll be responding to all comments I get!

Artwork of a dragon by Alok Ranjan

35 comments:

  1. Hi CJ, I really loved your story of the three roses. Earlier in the semester I read someone’s edition of this story based on OU’s campus, and so I decided to read the original story myself. I The pictures you included really helped me picture what these monsters looked like. Your story also included a lot of detail which made it easy and interesting to read! Your author’s note was a great addition to better understand your reasoning for writing the story. I did not notice the things in “threes” before you mentioned it, and I like how you added more aspects involving three in your version of the story. Great job! I look forward to reading more of you writing.

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    1. Hi Natalia!
      I'm super happy to hear you enjoyed my Three Roses story!
      It's great that the pictures helped you get a grasp for what the monsters look like!
      I'm glad that the details helped make the story an easy and interesting read, and that my author's note helped provide some insight into how I wrote the story and highlighted some details you might not have otherwise noticed!
      Thank you very much, I hope you enjoy my other work as much as you enjoyed this story!

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  2. Hi CJ!

    I loved your three roses story. My favorite childhood story growing up was Beauty and the Beast which after reading your story realized there was the inspiration! I appreciated that you kept a lot of the story the same. This story is very easy to alter but there is some beauty in the original story that I think can easily get lost in translation. I liked how many pictures you included for two reasons. One, it made the story seem like it was moving a lot faster. When you get certain folk tales, you can get bogged down in the details and fancy words, but being able to see what the monster looked like and how it changed through different people's eyes, was really cool. Second, it allowed the reader different adaptations. I thought of the beast more as the second picture and I think it is interesting that someone else had the same thought and drew it out but also allowed others to have differing thoughts.

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    1. Hi Brynlee!
      Thank you very much!
      I'm glad that you enjoyed me keeping the story more true to its roots, and that the pictures were helpful to you! The old adage "a picture is worth a thousand words" really is true after all!

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  3. Hi CJ!

    I really enjoyed your interpretation of The Three Roses. I liked to see the motivation behind the three girls, like how one wanted to catch the eye of a prince with her gift, one wanted to attract a wealthy lord, and the third wanted to brighten the day of a stranger. I also liked how you utilized the entire body of the basilisk, like having the daughter scrub the basilisk's scales and clean his feathers. I wonder how the daughter's siblings reacted to her story. Since this took place over several days, did the daughter go back home each night to her family? I'm curious to know how if her sisters were surprised, disgusted, or somewhere in between by what the daughter had to go through. What if we got to hear a bit more from the other daughters' perspectives? I feel as though this situation affects everyone in the family, not just the daughter. Good job on this story!

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    1. Hi Nathan!
      Thank you very much!
      Those are all definitely interesting hypotheticals that could be explored.

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  4. Hi CJ!
    I read your first version of the three roses earlier this semester! When I reread your newer version in your portfolio I noticed the minor changes you added. I think the changes made the story flow better. I also like how you chose images that were all clipart to keep the story consistent. The images definitely bring the monsters alive. Again, I love your version of the Clever, Brave, and Wise. I also read that story earlier in the semester. It's very good, and I enjoyed reading it again. All your details that you added made the story more enjoyable in my opinion. For example, the color of the hair and the dragon being the bride were my favorite additions/changes. I love the idea of compiling stories involving bonds with monsters. Very Cool! Can't wait to see what other stories you add to your portfolio.

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    1. Hi Helen!
      I'm glad to hear you enjoyed both of the stories!
      Yeah, I feel that managing to get all clipart really helped bring that story together in a nice way.
      Thank you very much! The hair colors were a fun detail to do, and I'm glad you liked my twist on the ending!
      It makes me very happy to hear you like my portfolio concept, I hope you enjoy the future stories I add to the portfolio!

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  5. Hi CJ!
    I love to read your story - the three roses! It is easy to understand and impressive! I would say that several sentences in the story are fantastic and I love them. For example, "for roses, once picked, are destined only to wilt and die", it is true that the sentence is concise and short. However, I would like to connect the situations with reality when I read it. Hopefully, there will have more sentences like this in your following stories!
    The imagines are also important to your portfolio! They help me to imagine some scenes in my mind when I read the story. Also, they could help me to understand what exactly those monsters look like.
    However, it is a little abrupt when you said that the monster turns into a human and the little daughter decides to marry him. It would be better if you could add some detailed explanation at that part.

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    1. Hi Taiwei!
      I'm very glad to hear you enjoyed my stories!
      It makes me very happy to see that you had particular lines that stuck out to you!
      Hopefully other lines in my future stories strike you like that one did :)
      The ending could definitely be something to add more to if I had extra room for the story.

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  6. Hi CJ! I am back again! I loved this weeks story! For starters, I loved the changing of the characters. I think sometimes it is important to see a male character as the one in need of saving, it adds an extra element to it! Especially with your ending decision! I loved that in this retelling, he got to save himself. This eliminates the weird "well now you have to marry me" of these sorts of stories. I think it was really nicely written. I liked how you included the dialogue. It helped move the story along while still allowing the reader to be engaged. I, also, loved the detail you put into the story. Sometimes as I am writing my stories it can seem like I am putting too much in, but then I imagine someone who has never heard this story before and I put in that extra adjective. I appreciate that you do the same thing because I had never heard this story but I felt as though I had! I look forward to reading the rest!!

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    1. Hi Brynlee!
      Welcome back!
      I'm very glad to hear you enjoyed this story as well!
      Details and dialogue can definitely help to make a story flow and engage the reader, so good on you for working to include detail in your work!

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  7. Hello Cj,
    I am glad I found someone else doing a Portfolio! You did a great job of keeping the site visibly pleasing while at the same time not making it overwhelming to look through. I thought that you choice in pictures was extraordinary on the 3 roses story, they complimented each other very well. I have not had the pleasure to read the original to which that story is based off, but you gave great details form me to be able to follow along without reference. Once again, the simplicity of the story was intriguing and kept my attention to the very end, and to me that is the greatest compliment a writer can receive. I love the project and bid you good luck with the remaining stories, I hope they are as good as this one. I look forward to reading more from you in the following weeks.

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    1. Hi Payton!
      Thank you very much!
      I hope you enjoy the rest of my work!

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  8. Hey CJ!
    The story of the Basilisk and the three roses has been one of my favorites that we've read in this class so I always love to read the creative rewrites of it! I liked your version a lot because it stayed pretty close to the original so it still felt like a folktale story. I thought the way you wrote the youngest daughter's reaction was much more realistic than the original! I hate how in the original story the daughter wasn't scared of her new fate at all. It made no sense that she wasn't upset her own mother sold her to a stranger, so I was happy that your rewrite had a normal reaction for the girl's situation. I also liked that you added different tasks the girl had to complete to free the man from his spell, definitely less weird than the original! Great job CJ!

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    1. Hi Natalie!
      Thank you very much!
      I'm glad you enjoyed my story!

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  9. Hey CJ,
    I really liked the stories you have on your wall. I also love the aesthetic and you have chosen some really good images. One thing you could change on a basic simple level is to make sure you have a different picture for each story. I noticed you have the same picture for the home screen and you second story. Maybe there is a reason behind this but if not maybe think about finding another. I love the pictures you have chosen and I think you could make your page even better with another good image. As for the stories, I thought they were great. I like how you structured your paragraphs in the stories and made them pleasing to look at as well as to read. I also enjoyed how you had a lot of 1 line sentences separated by a space between them. I like this style of writing and it makes the reading smooth and easy rather than overwhelming. Well done on your page and I look forward to reading everything else you do this semester.

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    1. Hi Robbie!
      Thank you very much!
      I'm glad you liked the way I broke up the stories!
      I'll definitely take your suggestion about the image into consideration!

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  10. Hi CJ!

    The original stories for both of your stories on here were so interesting! I remember reading the one with the basilisk because it is the basis for Beauty and the Beast, right? Anyways, I love what you did with both stories but I especially liked "The Three Roses". I was very intrigued by the whole story and it never lost my attention.
    I would love, however, to see some more of the relationship between the monster and the girl before he transforms. For instance, do they talk while she is cleaning his feathers/scales? What kind of things do they talk about if they do? Is there a relationship there before he transforms? It would be so cool if you could incorporate some small stories like that into the parts before she chops his head off each time. By including such details, I think the relationship and intrigue surrounding it would be more solidified.
    You did an excellent job here! Good work.

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    1. Hi Riley!
      Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed my story!
      And thanks for the suggestions!

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  11. Hi CJ!
    First of all, I love the website design and the art that you include in your stories. It really brings everything together nicely.
    In your first story, "The Three Roses," I loved the attention to detail that you gave, especially in the theme of three that was present. It just made everything complete and whole, which left me feeling really satisfied. I would maybe like to see a little bit more of the relationship between the girl and the beast. I think being sparse on those details is very traditional for a fairy tale, and I love that you've preserved that, but I think it would be neat to include small references to her growing to care for him. However, that's a really small criticism. Like I said, I think that the lack of details on it is pretty in-keeping with fairy tale traditions.
    I also loved your second story! The changes that you made really showcased your care and attention to details. I especially loved the fact that you made their hair color matter. It showed the theme that you were building up to, and it even made me wonder how you were going to do the reveal in that brief second when I realized the dragon was his choice: How was he going to choose something better than gold (I clearly forgot about platinum!). Overall, your portfolio is excellent and really showcases your passion for your stories.

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    1. Hi Leah!
      Thank you very much!
      I'm glad that you like my site!
      It makes me very happy to see that my attention to detail was noticed and appreciated!

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  12. Hi, CJ. So far, I think your portfolio is brilliant. You write very well and kept me engaged in the stories even when I already knew what they were. I absolutely adored the small changes you made to each story to add a bit more symbolism and uniqueness to your take on the tales.

    In the three roses, I love the addition of three being such an important figure in the story. The consistent use of three made it feel like a powerful and important number even when I wasn't consciously aware it was being used so much. However, I think it might be better to condense the cleaning for three hours for three days portion down to just one sentence in the last two instances. Mixing the way you phrase it also would help. It felt a bit repetitive and boring to read. I can understand that the repetition is meant to enhance the importance of threes. However, as a reader it felt a bit tiresome. I found myself glossing over the third instance because I felt no need to read it. I knew it would be three times for three hours.

    I loved your second story. The hair color was such a wonderful change to foreshadow the outcome of the tale. I loved that you ultimately made the marriage the choice of Moonlight. I have zero concerns with this story.

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    1. Hi Caleb!
      I'm glad that you enjoyed my stories!
      That's an interesting bit of criticism that I haven't heard before on The Three Roses, that's something I'll keep in mind for later stories!
      I am glad that the hair color was a fun detail!

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  13. Hi CJ! I really enjoyed the first story you wrote about the 3 Roses. I have not read the original version of the story, as I am in the Indian Epics class, so this was completely new to me. You did a great job of building suspense in you story... I was sure that the youngest girl was going to end up dead or cursed. It never crossed my mind that she was actually lifting a curse off of someone else. I also really appreciated your use of images throughout the story. I would not have known that a basilisk was a dragon other wise, and the fact that the images matched as a black and white sketch throughout the story. Your second story was extremely interesting to me. Once again I did not read the original story, but the changes you said you made in your Author's note definitely enhanced the story. The ending was not what I had anticipated and that one of the things I liked most about this story and your first story in the portfolio. I am also doing a portfolio for my Indian Epics class but did not connect my stories with one overarching theme. I think it's really cool that you do have a theme for your portfolio. Great job and good luck with the rest of the semester!

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    1. Hi Kylie!
      It's cool to see someone from the other class here!
      I'm very glad to see that my stories were still very much enjoyable without any knowledge of the source stories!
      And I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed the concept of my portfolio!
      Best of luck with your own portfolio!

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  14. Hey CJ, I feel like I say this every time I comment on one of your stories, but your writing is flawless and so enjoyable to read! I enjoy reading your stories because of your writing, but also because you're really good at portraying a horror romance. Of your current stories, I admittedly enjoyed The Clever, Brave and Wise the most. The writing was spectacular and the character's all each had their purpose, but the dragon at the end definitely took it away! I thought it was very creative how you ranked them, especially with hair color, until we got to platinum with the dragon. That said, it would have been interesting to see how Moonlight comes upon the dragon. I know that originally they said that he was captured, but what made the dragon go and search him out in the first place? Of course, it's not necessary to add to the story, but it would be interesting to see more of a dynamic between Moonlight and the dragon!

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    1. Hi Jaicee!
      Thank you very much!
      I'm glad you enjoyed my little ranking system!
      It could definitely be interesting to explore the dragon a bit further at some point if I get a proper opportunity!

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    2. Hi CJ! Wow! I loved getting to see your portfolio and I read your story, "The Three Roses." What a beautiful name to begin with. I was immediately excited and intrigued to read your story. I also enjoyed your photo of the dragon in your story. I always think roses and dragons go together because for some reason I always think of the movie Shrek, Ha! What inspired you to write this story? You are so creative and your story was well written. Your comment wall is also very organized and looks great! Overall, great job with everything and I hope you have a great rest of your semester.

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  15. Hi CJ!
    I have read your story: The Giantess and the God of Mirth. It is interesting and attractive. Just like last time I put some comments to you, I also enjoy reading this story. First, I would say the plot setting is amazing in this story. You focus on communications between different characters, and those communications become a good tool to show the characteristics of them. In my writing, it is always hard for me to put enough dialogues in plots. But your work gives me some inspirations. I think I would try to use them in my future writing. Besides, I want to mention that the graph in your website is beautiful. Are they cherry trees? Nice graphs would always be an important part of our projects, isn't it? Anyway, great job, CJ!

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  16. Hi CJ,

    I really like this storybook! This is the first time that I've come across it, and it's very unique so I was excited to read it. I also read beauty and the basilisk, it was one of the first stories that i read. I saw another comment on your post that said someone else did an OU version of the story, and that was mine! I liked the fact that the story remained original- it's a universal tale that most of us can recognize. I did like the main element of the story that you chose to alter- putting the items in threes. It added structure to the story and made it rhythmic almost which i really liked. This week's critiquing is over the author's note. Honestly, there's not much you can say about the story in regards to beauty and the basilisk since it is such a classic tale and so universally known. the only critiquing i have would be to not only say what you changed but compare it to the original, such as with the location and requests. you did so with the monsters which was good for reader clarification. I really enjoyed reading this and I'll definitely be back to read the next one! Great job!

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  17. Hi CJ,

    I'm glad that I came across your storybook at the end of the semester because I got to see it all put together nicely! I really enjoyed your stories and thought they were well thought out and detailed nicely. I also liked how clean your layout looked. It made it easier to focus on the stories, but it wasn't boring at all. My favorite story was The Giantess and the God of Mirth because I found the ending so happy and satisfying! I loved the details and sensory words you included in your stories. They made the stories more interesting and fun to read because they gave great context. I can tell that you focused on the characters and that was fun to read. I really don't have much to critique because I thought your whole storybook was really well done! If I had to be picky, I would suggest adding a little more to your introduction page so there is some added context before diving into the stories, but that really is just me looking for something to pick out. Great job!

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  18. Hi CJ,
    I really liked the attention to detail in your story "The Clever, Brave, and Wise"! I didn't even notice the slight difference in what the wise woman says to Moonlight's mother until I read it in the author's note, but that was a really cool thing to add.
    The hair color ranking system was also interesting. Most of all, I loved the twist at the end when Moonlight decides to marry the dragon!
    The pictures that you selected for your first story go really well together and fit in with your emphasis in the rule of three. The style of the drawings and the fact that they have no background, making it kind of look like they were drawn right onto the page, remind me of the kind of illustrations you might find in a children's book, which was a really nice, nostalgic feeling.
    I also liked the way you characterized the giantess in your third story. Although she isn't beautiful in the delicate way that Ninigi is, your descriptions of her strength and her "skin the color of river stones and long, flowing hair the color of the clouds above" are equally arresting! I'm glad Uzume was able to appreciate her "beauty and loyalty".

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  19. Hi CJ,

    I'm back again to read your second story! i will admit, i was a little confused at the start of this story at where the monster was. it all made sense though. i had never heard of this story before, so this was a fun read! After reading through your author's note i also like some of the smaller changes you made while also trying to keep the overall theme of the story original. we never typically see stories with female suitors so that was a fun change up that i would definitely like to see more of in stories.
    This week's critiquing was over paragraph styles. There wasn't a paragraph in the entire story, so there isn't much i can really critique! I do think you did a nice job of keeping your dialogue separate and i saw minimal grammatical mistakes. good job and have a great rest of your semester!

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  20. Hi CJ! Wow. What a great job. Your story, "The Clever, Brave, and Wise," was excellent. I absolutely loved it. I was engaged the whole time I read it. The hair color ranking system was intriguing. I have never read a story with that happening. You made great use of all your paragraphs and sentence structure. Everything was grammatically correct which is great because it sounds so simple but so easy to mess up. I also loved your introduction post as well because those are my favorite posts. I love getting to know my classmates better. I think you did an overall great job. I hope you have a great rest of your semester.

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